After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
