one might say we're banned from that church
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
