im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
