I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
