Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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