There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
