Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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