Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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