I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
