Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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