At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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