I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize