hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize