Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
