Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
