remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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