he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
