for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
