sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
