why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
