i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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