Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
