I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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