Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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