can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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