i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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