If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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