worst night to have a conscience
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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