I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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