There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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