I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
