Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
