Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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