That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
