i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
