Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
