theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
