I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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