looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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