my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
