Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
