do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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