So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
