from now on my penis is your penis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize