She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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