Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
