biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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