its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
