i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
