id be glad to
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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