Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You made out with two different species that night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
