I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize