It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
