and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am midnight drunk by noon
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
