you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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