i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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