I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize