if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
