I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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