OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize