i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
