Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
