Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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