Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
