Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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