he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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