Umm I'm too high to move.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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