Your dad touched me again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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