yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
