I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
