We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
