You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
