My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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