hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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