Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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