The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
