hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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