She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
