Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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