if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
