A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
