I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
