Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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