dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
