Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize