I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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