porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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