I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize