You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
