I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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