Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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