A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
