I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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