She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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