Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
